When Series Colide: The Star Trek A Team

Though this is a very well done mash-up, the parallels beyond Kirk as Hannibal are a bit of a stretch. And wouldn't Scotty be a little more Murdoch-y? And while not one to throw down, Doctor McCoy always seemed to be the one with the bad attitude.

Tears, Everyone, Tears

Farewell, Ricardo Montalban. I think this is a fitting tribute.

When Gary Met Messier

Given Mess's hairline, the stubby beer bottle, and Gary Coleman's still happy-go-lucky demeanor, I'd date this photo circa 1984, likely when the Oilers were in LA to play the Kings.

As further evidence for that date, I offer the photo below, where Messier is caught in a similar donkey-braying pose upon winning the Conn Smythe trophy as playoff MVP in '84.

Leonard Nimoy Is ... Baffled!

When you think of TV from the 70s, you naturally remember the big, popular shows, like "All In The Family" or "The Rockford Files." But of course for every show that became a classic, there were probably 10 that flopped and were forgotten. Or at least they were until the magic of YouTube.

Take, for example "Baffled." This 1973 show starring Leonard Nimoy is perfectly titled, since, to judge by the opening credits shown below, it's completely baffling. It's mostly Leonard driving around in strange vehicles and running in slo-mo. Still, it does have a seriously kickin' soundtrack.



Via Make The Logo Bigger

Cheese Upon Cheese - Full House Does Ace of Base

John Stamos's "Joey" directing an all teen girl band version of "The Sign"? Boy, it doesn't get much more early-90s cheesy than that.

WHERE IN THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEYSTICKS IS SONNY FREAKIN' CROCKETT?

So, I come across a big spread ad for this year's Emmy Awards. It's a huge collage of TV stars past and present (over 400 it turns out). I think, cool, I know one guy who'll definitely be in there. So I start to look ...

There's the Fonz! Rockford and Magnum, nice! George Clooney of course (though I'd like to have seen him in his Facts of Life mullet) ... Dana Delaney: rrowwrr! Looking ... looking ... Six Million Dollar Man ... couple of Muppets ... McDreamy, or McSweaty, or whichever one Patrick Dempsey is ... looking ... Huh. That's odd. Looking ... there's the Beav ... okay ...

WHY DON'T I SEE SONNY FRIGGIN' CROCKETT?

Are you kidding me? How can you overlook Miami Vice? The show considered one of the most influential of all time (as noted here among other places). Winner of four Emmys and two Grammys. Show with the greatest roster of guest stars ever (as I've mentioned one or four times before). WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS OUTRAGE?

Now, I realize that even in a double truck ad, they can't fit in everyone. And I realize they have to weight it a little more heavily towards recent shows (but do we really need all two and half of the Two And A Half Men?) But let's review some of the "stars" that did make the cut ...

All three of the knuckleheads from Full House? Really? Okay, I get Michael J. Fox. But Meredith Baxter Birney? Every one of the main characters from Friends and Sex and the City? I guess. But ALL of the leads from Wings? Seriously?

Do we really need to see everyone who ever set foot on the set of E.R. and L.A. Law? They had to go to black and white to find a picture of Stuart and Anne for crying out loud!

And the ultimate insult: Tony Danza. Not from Taxi, which would be somewhat defensible, but from Who's The Boss! Yes, WHO'S THE BOSS! That must be a dagger in poor Don Johnson's heart.

I can live without Philip Michael Thomas, though they were obviously stretching to get some diversity in there. I mean, Hawk from Spenser for Hire? In fact, looking at the ad, maybe the NAACP has case when they complain about the lack of "people of color" in primetime (unless you count the decidedly yellow Simpsons).

I can only hope that I somehow missed him. So I'll keep searching for Sonny's fashionably stubbled visage. Maybe he's hidden behind Homey the Clown or Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff! It's enough to make you weep.

Bob Bob Bob

Watching Larry King is no end of fun. At the very least, he qualifies as "addled" and at times reaches the level of pure wombat crazy. But they still pay him millions to make brilliant observations like this.

Hey, that's kind of catchy. How about a remix?

The All-Hoopty Team

Here's an entertaining and memory-inducing list of "The 50 Most Famous Cars Of All Time" from automotive site Ridelust.  There's a lot of horsepower and displacement talk, as well as some interesting little tidbits. Like I didn't realize Magnum drove three different Ferraris over the course of his series. Apparently Robin Masters liked to keep his sports cars fresh. 

But where's Rockford's Firebird? Or the Corvette Stingray from Riptide? And only one of Crockett's Ferrari's from Miami Vice? Okay, that last one may seem like a travesty only to me.

Miami Vice Guest Stars Part 4: Top 15 Actors

You read it right: 15. The list of guest-starring actors was just so long, I just couldn't cut it down to just 10 like the musicians in Part One, the actresses in Part Two, or "Others" in Part Three. In fact, even expanding to 15 left out people like Ving Rhames, Vincent D’Onofrio, Ron Perlman, Alfred Molina, and Nathan Lane--plus a bunch more you'll find listed at the bottom of the post. So who made the cut? May I have the envelope please ...

15. Dr. Haing S. Ngor
True, he doesn't have nearly the list of credits of the others on this list (or even the "runner-ups"). But I give him extra-credit for two reasons: 1. He did win an Academy Award for his work in "The Killing Fields." 2. Dude survived the real "Killing Fields" in Cambodia. After that, I doubt the brevity of his IMDb listing caused him many sleepless nights. On Vice, he portrayed "Inspector Nguyn Van Trahn" on Season 3's "Duty and Honor" aka (for some reason) "The Savage."

14. Michael Madsen
Of course, if you put much stock in the length of someone's IMDb listing, Mike Madsen's your man, with 161 entries (and counting). His most notable role is likely as the sadistic "Mr. Blonde" in "Reservoir Dogs." Or you may remember him from an appearance on "Jake and the Fatman," though that's less likely. Anyway, as "Sally Alvarado" in Season 1's "Give A Little, Take A Little," Madsen played a drug dealer. And who can forget this episode's other big guest star, Burt Young. Pauliiiie!

13. Stanley Tucci
The producers of Vice loved Stanley so much, they had him guest start three times as two different characters. First as "Steve Demarco" in Season 3's "Baby Blues," and then twice as mobster "Frank Mosca" in the "Contempt of Court" and "Blood & Roses" episodes from Season 4. In another bit of late-eighties TV history, shortly after his last Vice appearance, Mr. Tucci appeared in "thirtysomething" as Michael and Elliot's nemesis "Karl Draconis." With a name like that, what else could he have been?

12. Chris Cooper
Joining Dr. Ngor on the list of Miami Vice guest star actors with Oscar statues on their mantels (with another to come further down the list), Chris Cooper is one of those hard-working character actors who you'd see on the street and think "He looks familar ..." but not be able to name. In the big "Mirror Image" finale from Season 4, Cooper played dirty cop "Jimmy Yagovitch." The episode also featured another Oscar-winner you may have heard of: Julia Roberts.

In case you can't put a face to Mr. Cooper, here's some video ...



11. John Leguizamo
Like Stanley Tucci, John Leguizamo played two different characters on Vice. Though between Season 2's finale, "Sons and Lovers" and Season 3's "Afternoon Plane," his first character's name changed from "Ivan Calderone" to "Orlando Calderone." So it's almost like 2.5 characters. At any rate, Mr. Leguizamo was back in the final season's "Victim of Circumstance" in a definitely non-Calderone role as "Angelo Alvarez," though he took a demotion from drug kingpin to mere drug dealer.

10. John Turturro
A favorite of both Spike Lee and the Coen Brothers, John Turturro has portrayed a number of oddball characters during his long career. In Season 1's "Rites of Passage," Turturro was more slimy than strange as John Traynor, a pimp for high-end call girls. One of those gals happens to be the younger sister of Tubbs' old flame, played by Pam Grier. Hilarity most definitely did not ensue.

9. Steve Buscemi
Another actor who's found success playing characters who are a little "out there," Mr. Buscemi appeared on Vice as "Rickles" in Season 3's "El Viejo," which is, of course, Spanish for "The Viejo." You may remember from our earlier look at top musician guest stars that "The Viejo" also featured an appearance by country legend and wacky-tobaccy enthusiast Willie Nelson.

8. Wesley Snipes
Currently awaiting sentencing for charges relating to income tax evasion, some of Wesley Snipes' earliest earnings were as drug dealer/pimp "Silk" (aw, poor guy had to work two jobs) in Season 3's "Streetwise." One of Silk's stable is in love with a character played by ...

7. Bill Paxton
"Vic Romano," played by Mr. Paxton in "Streetwise," is an undercover cop with questionable taste in women. Specifically, Carla, a 17-year old hooker. "Streewise" came out the same year (1986) as "Aliens," the movie featuring my favorite Bill Paxton character, the rather high-strung "Private Hudson." "Game over man!"

6. Ben Stiller
Yes, a young Ben made an appearance on Vice as the slimy con man "Fast Eddie Felcher" in Season 4's "Amen ... Send Money." Brian Dennehy was also on board as the excellently named televangelist "Billy Bob Proverb." And because I can't find any video or anything else profound to say about this episode, I'll throw out the fact that its German title was "Das goldene Kalb," "The Golden Calf."

5. Laurence Fishburne
"Larry" Fishburne (so reads his credit) played Keller, a crooked prison guard in Season 3's "Walk Alone." That same year (1986), Laurence/Larry also appeared in the Michael Mann Executive-Produced "Band of the Hand," which was also set in Miami. Mr. Mann probably figured he could save on airfare by flying Laurence in for both gigs. '86 was also the year Fishburne began another, very different role: "Cowboy Curtis" on Pee-wee's Playhouse.

4. Viggo Mortensen
A young Viggo made an appearance in Season 3's "Red Tape" as vice squad member "Eddie Trumball" alongside a partner (in the cop sense, not the other way it's often used in South Beach) played by Lou Diamond Phillips. Sadly, we didn't get to see Eddie after the credits because, well, you'll see ...


3. Liam Neeson
Liam Neeson and his Gaelic charm showed up in Miami as "Sean Carroon" in "When Irish Eyes Are Crying," which kicked off the supposedly "darker" Season 3. Instead of one of the usual rogues' gallery of drug dealers and pimps that populated the show, Mr. Neeson plays an IRA terrorist. Gina falls for him, though when she learns about the whole terrorist thing, it puts a little strain on their relationship, as you'll see here:


Bonus video! This episode also featured a notable scene that sort of set the tone for the changes that were on deck for the new season (beyond Tubbs wearing glasses for some reason).


2. Benicio Del Toro
After three former Oscar nominees in a row, we come to a guy who actually took home the hardware. Del Toro plays "Pito" in Season 3's "Everybody's in Showbiz" episode. This was actually his first screen credit (at least according to IMDb), and no doubt helped him land the role of "Duke the Dog-Faced Boy" in "Big Top Pee-wee" the next year.

Catch him looking a little worse-for-wear at the beginning of this clip. Plus you get to hear Sonny dubbed into Japanese. Hai!


1. Bruce Willis
No, he hasn't won an Oscar yet--though his rumored role as Hannibal Smith in the A-Team movie may change that. But Bruce has been a huge star for a lot of years. And a few years before his career really took off on "Moonlighting," Bruce appeared in "No Exit" from Season 1 as "Tony Amato," a very bad arms dealer and even worse husband.

You can see evidence of both sides of his villainy in this fan-created "trailer" from that episode.


Other Guest-Starring Actors: David Strathairn, Dean Stockwell, Brad Dourif (three more Academy Award nominees), Ian McShane, Paul Gleason, Jimmy Smits, Ed O’Neill, Terry O’Quinn, Charles Dutton, Luis Guzman, John Heard, Gary Cole, Richard Belzer, Jeff Fahey, John Spencer, Miguel Ferrer, Oliver Platt

And I guess that's it for guest stars. Don't forget to check out Part 1: Top 10 Musicians, Part 2: Top 10 Actresses, and Part 3: Top 10 "Others."

Maybe I'll write something about all the great music on Miami Vice. Hmmm ...

Miami Vice Guest Stars Part 3: Top 10 "Others"

Since I want to finish strong with the long, long list of actors who have been Miami Vice guest stars, after reviewing musicians in Part One and actresses in Part Two, I thought I'd take a look at a group I've creatively named "Others." Not primarily actors or musicians, they're a diverse lot: a model, a comedian, an NBA legend, a corporate titan. I picked them as much for the oddity of their appearing in a prime time TV drama as for their "celebrity." In fact many of them wouldn't even make the cut for "The Surreal Life" or its many spawn.

10. Michael Bay
Today, Michael Bay is a A-list director of movies that feature lots of explosions and dramatic slo-mo shots of lead characters walking toward camera: "Bad Boys,""The Rock,""Armageddon," etc. In fact, Mr. Bay is often accused of the same "style over substance" charges that have been leveled at Miami Vice. And no doubt his own style was influenced by his time on the Vice set while playing a goon (and that's how his credit reads, "Goon") in Season 2's "Free Verse." Joining Michael at the craft service table that week were Jeremy Piven's dad and the jet-setting celebrity you'll see at #5.

9. Roberto Duran
Known both for having "Hands of Stone" and for his infamous "no mas" surrender to Sugar Ray Leonard, Roberto Duran was one of the world's top boxers through the Seventies and Eighties. While you might assume that Roberto was in the two-part boxing themed "Down for the Count," he actually played convict "Jesus Maroto" in Season 2's "Payback."

8. Iman
Lately known as Mrs. David Bowie, former supermodel Iman was the oddly spelled "Dakotah" in the "Back in the World" episode from Season 2--notable for being Don Johnson's directorial debut (he'd go on to direct four episodes in all). Possibly due to an exercising of his director's perogative--or because he figured he could save on some child support payments--Patty D'Arbanville, the mother of his son Jesse, also made an appearance in that episode. As did ...

7. G. Gordon Liddy
Formerly a Watergate "plumber" and currently an irascible right-wing talk show host, Liddy made two appearances on Vice: "Back in the World" from Season 2, and "Stone's War" from Season 3. In both he played politician/drug dealer "Colonel Maynard," a blast from Sonny's Vietnam past. "Stone's War" is also notable for the introduction of another important Vice character: Sonny's white Ferrari Testarossa.

6. Leonard Cohen
Poet, novelist, and member of the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame for his work as a songwriter (he also was a "singer," though he did more of a melodic spoken word kind of thing), Leonard Cohen's on-screen credits as an actor are quite limited. But one of those is Interpol agent Francois Zolan in Season 2's "French Twist"--another doozy from the pun-happy Vice episode titlers.

5. Bianca Jagger
Former Mrs. Mick and Studio 54 denzien Bianca Jagger was "Carmen" or "La Muerta" in Season 2's "Free Verse." Assumedly she mostly went with "Carmen" since introducing herself as "La Muerta" would have blown her cover as a deadly assassin. In this case, she was out to kill a Latin American poet (played by the aformentioned Jeremy Piven's dad).

4. Don King
In a big stretch, boxing promoter and hairstyle icon Don King played boxing promoter "Don Cash" in Season 2's two-part "Down for the Count." Of course, you always get the sense that Don King is playing a character named "Don King" anyway.

3. Lee Iacocca
Addressing the dearth of Fortune 500 CEOs appearing in cop shows, former head of Chrysler Lee Iacocca had an uncredited role as Parks Commissioner in the finale to Season 2, "Sons and Lovers." This is the kind of completely random casting that I love about Vice.

2. Bill Russell
With 11 NBA Championships and five league MVP wins, Bill Russell is certainly the most accomplished athlete to appear on Vice. In the gambling-themed "The Fix" from Season 2, Russell plays "Judge Ferguson," a degenerate gambler being hounded by a bookie played by none other than a pre-Kramer Michael Richards. Former NBA All-Star Bernard King also appeared as Russell's son, a college basketball player.

Hey look, a video!


1. Chris Rock
You're probably saying, isn't Chris Rock an actor? Well, did you see "Beverly Hills Ninja" or "Pootie Tang?" If so, you'd feel more comfortable classifying him as a comedian. Any acting ability he has was on early display as techy file clerk "Carson" in the "Missing Hours" episode from Season 4. Not sure what went on in that episode, though apparently Trudy had an encounter with a UFO. In any show not named "The X Files," that's not a good sign.

And here's Mr. Rock in action, another reason to love (or hate) YouTube.


Other Guest-Starring, uh, Others: Tommy Chong, Peter Allen, John Matuszak, Danny Sullivan, Penn, Teller, Emo Phillips

Don't forget about Top 10 Guest Star Actresses and Top 10 Guest Star Musicians

Miami Vice Guest Stars Part 2: Top 10 Actresses

In Part Two of our flashback tour of Miami Vice guest stars, we turn to the ladies. While not as prominent a group as the musicians from Part One, as diverse as the "Others" we'll see in Part 3, or as numerous as the actors in the forthcoming Part 4, there still are some big names here, including three Oscar nominees and two Oscar winners––one of whom went on to become the biggest female star in Hollywood. Can you guess who without scrolling down? Let the games begin!

10. Amanda Plummer
Okay, we're not exactly starting off with a bang. But the top three actresses are the real deal, honest! And, hey, Amanda was Honey Bunny in "Pulp Fiction," so that's something. More importantly for our little exercise, she was legal secretary Lisa Madsen in Season 5's "Fruit of the Poison Tree."

9. Kelly Lynch
In "Roadhouse" she was the Patrick Swayze's girlfriend. In "Drugstore Cowboy," she was Matt Dillon's girlfriend. And more recently in "The L Word," Kelly was ... er, her girlfriend's girlfriend. But before all that, in Miami Vice's "Death and the Lady" from Season 4, Ms. Lynch played two lookalikes, at least one of whom is named Lori Swan and gets murdered.

8. Laura San Giacomo
Another star of rather modest wattage, Laura has had a solid post-Vice career, kicking off with "Sex, Lies and Videotape" back in '89. And remember TV's delightful "Just Shoot Me!"? Uh, me either. Anyway, Ms. San Giacomo portrayed Tania Louis in "Leap of Faith" from Vice's final season. She was among a group of younger cops that were supposed to be part of some kind of ill-conceived spin off series. Guess that didn't work out.

7. Kyra Sedgwick
Kyra holds the distiction of being less than one degree away from Kevin Bacon, having been married to him since 1988. No doubt he was smitten after watching her play Sarah MacPhail in Season 2's "Phil The Shill" episode opposite #1 guest star musician Phil Collins. And since this is my list, I'm giving her extra points for being in "Singles," one of my favorite movies.

6. Rita Moreno
I know what you're thinking. But the woman did win an Oscar. Granted, it was in 1961, and it was for "West Side Story," but still, she has the hardware. And instead of hooker or one of Crockett's girlfriends, she played Congresswoman Madelyn Woods in "Miami Squeeze" from Season 5. As the show isn't called "Miami Virtue," it likely won't surprise you to learn Rita's character was corrupt.

5. Pam Grier
Appearing in three episodes in Seasons 1 and 5, Ms. Grier got to nicely bookend the series playing "Valerie Gordon," Tubbs' old flame from New York. She probably was bummed that her character's name wasn't nearly as cool as some she'd played in the movies, like Coffy, Gozelda, Foxy Brown, or "Ayesa, the Panther Woman."

Valerie comes to the rescue mid-way through the video below, and then again at the end making kissy face with Tubbs.


4. Helena Bonham Carter
Okay, here's the first of three Oscar nominees in a row. Helena showed up in a couple of episodes in Season 3 playing Dr. Theresa Lyons. Sonny actually plans on making her the second Mrs. Crockett, but she has a deep, dark secret. Hint: it starts with "H" and rhymes with "heroine."

She did get her own Jan Hammer-composed theme though. You can hear it in this fan-created montage featuring a very young (and, frankly, not terribly attractive) Bonham Carter and Jan's haunting "Theresa."


3. Annette Benning
Back before "The Grifters," "Bugsy," and the resulting marriage to Warren Beatty, Ms. Bening appeared as Vicky Madden in Season 3's "Red Tape" episode. Honestly don't know how Vicky figured into the plot of someone feeding drug dealers information about upcoming busts, but I do know Crockett and Tubbs teamed up with Lou Diamond Phillips and a another young actor who shall remain nameless until you read the upcoming "Top Guest Star Actors" post. My intensive research also uncovered the fact that in Germany this episode was titled "Sprengstoff", meaning "Blasting Agent." Yes, I like to inform as well as entertain.

2. Melanie Griffith
As far as I know, Melanie is the only actress on the list who was actually married to Sonny in real life. Certainly the only one who was married to him twice. However, Melanie's appearance in the groan-inducingly titled "By Hooker By Crook" episode from Season 3 occurred between their bouts of wedded bliss. Though she did at least get to play his love interest, the socialite/madame Christine von Marburg. Supporting Melanie in her role were other guest "stars" Vanity, George Takei, and Rock n' Wrestling Connection member Captain Lou Albano.

You can see most of them in the poor-quality video below. But at least its been dubbed into Portuguese, which is nice. Also, this is supposedly an "uncut" version that was only on the VHS (remember those?) release, not the cable version or DVD. So some extra shots of Mel and Don ... uh, pretending they're still married. Mostly backs and hands grasping sheets in a suggestive manner.


1. Julia Roberts
Yes, one of this pretty woman's first credits was as "Polly Wheeler" in "Mirror Image," Season 4's cliffhanging season finale. Julia's character is the assistant to a Colombian businessman who, given that this is Miami Vice, is also a drug kingpin. As you may recall, after an explosion on a yacht, Sonny awakes to find he has lost his memory. Because he was undercover at the time, he's told by the bad guys who rescue him that he is Sonny Burnett, notorious drug dealer.

Anyway, here's Sonny "I'm Wearing A Tie So You Know I've Got Identity Issues" Burnett/Crockett and Ms. Roberts. Wow she looks and sounds young. Which, at 21, I guess she was. Then again, in 1988, weren't we all?



Other Guest-Starring Actresses: Penelope Ann Miller, Joan Chen, Eartha Kitt, CCH Pounder, the aforementioned Vanity

Don't miss Part 1: Top Ten Musician Guest Stars

The Slice Is Strong With This One