The 31 Songs of Rocktober Part Two: 1989-1998

Rocktober: it's the most wonderful, earsplitting time of the year. After Part One: 1979-1988, we're continuing to celebrate with another 10 of an eventual 31 hits—one for each of the last 31 years.

So grab your Strat and your leather codpiece as we get ready to turn it up to 11.

1989: "Dr. Feelgood" - Motley Crue
While I would never elevate a band like Poison or Cinderella into a position of representing a year, Motley Crue has enough musical cred to hold down a spot on the list. While "Dr. Feelgood" definitely rocks, this is also kind of a "Lifetime Achievement" award. Plus, one or more members of the band may have actually worn a leather codpiece, always a plus.

Runners Up: "Paradise City" - Guns N' Roses; "One" - Metallica; "Runnin' Down a Dream" - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers; "Fire Woman" - The Cult; "A Girl Like You" - The Smithereens; "Once Bitten Twice Shy" - Great White; "Higher Ground" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Now here's the video that will make you feel alright ...


1990: "Epic" - Faith No More
Before a tidal wave of plaid shirts and distorted guitars took over rock n' roll in 1991, Faith No More pounded out their epic Epic. While the video managed to soak the band in a man-made monsoon, there apparently wasn't enough water left for a poor goldfish left flopping around on the floor, raising the ire of animal rights groups. However, the band claimed the fish was shot in slow motion, and was safely returned to its bowl. And that may in fact be true given the fish's provenance: it was allegedly either stolen from—or given as a gift by—Bjork (depending on which version of the legend you believe).

Runners Up: "Blaze of Glory" - Bon Jovi; "Black Velvet" - Alannah Miles; "Cherry Pie" - Warrant

Let's check out the famous fish and the song ...


1991: "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Nirvana
Honestly, never really been a fan of this grunge anthem, or grunge in general (though I have a bit of soft spot for Soundgarden). But obviously this song signaled a huge shift in rock n' roll, including the mainstreaming of so-called "alternative" music. And yes, Nevermind really hit big in 1992, but this single was released in September of 1991.

Runners Up: "Enter Sandman" - Metallica; "Moneytalks" - AC/DC; "Alive" - Pearl Jam; "Give It Away" - Red Hot Chili Peppers; "Jesus Built My Hotrod" - Ministry

Here purportedly is the first live performance of Nirvana's signature song ...


1992: "Remedy" - Black Crowes
Since I didn't want to go back to back with Nirvana, and I've never cared for Pearl Jam, the Black Crowes win '92 by default. But I'm so unexcited by this pick, I'm not even going to look up any info about it. It's sung by that really skinny guy who was married to Kate Hudson.

Runners Up: "Come As You Are" - Nirvana; "Rest In Peace" - Extreme; "Evenflow" - Pearl Jam; "Let's Get Rocked" - Def Leppard; "Life Is A Highway" - Tom Cochrane

I suppose in keeping with the format, I should show some video. At least I can embed the actual music video. Hurray.


1993: "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" - Lenny Kravitz
Ah, now here's a song worth getting excited about. This is another of my all time favorites, with a great riff and a cool video (which, of course, EMI won't let me embed). This was one of the first CDs that I bought (post cassette tape and pre-mp3). VH1 had it as #78 on their "100 Greatest Songs of the 90s," but I would likely have gone at least 30 or 40 places higher.

Runners Up: "Plush" - Stone Temple Pilots; "Livin' On The Edge" - Aerosmith; "Stick It Out" - Rush; "Pride and Joy" - Coverdale & Page

I got to got to know, are you gonna watch the video?


1994: "Vaseline" - Stone Temple Pilots
I came very close to declaring this a tie between this song and "Black Hole Sun." But that seemed too much of a cop out. But a tough call, especially given that both STP and Soundgarden both had two great songs this year (see "Runners Up" below). I'm just glad they got to write and record this song in between Scott Weiland's many stints in rehab.

Runners Up: "Black Hole Sun" - Soundgarden; "Spoonman" - Soundgarden; "Daughter" - Pearl Jam; "Interstate Love Song" - Stone Temple Pilots; "Cannonball" - Breeders

Before you go blind and this video is out of reach, give it a look.


1995: "More Human Than Human" - White Zombie
I had actually awarded this year to the Smashing Pumpkins before I discovered that this was the year Rob and friends put out this extremely hard-rockin' song. Is it as "cerebral" as "Bullet With Butterfly Wings?" Nope. But when you listen, you just want to keep turning it up ... and up ... and up—until your windows shatter and the bass puts you into cardiac arrest.

Runners Up: "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" - Smashing Pumpkins; "J.A.R." - Green Day; "If I Wanted To" - Melissa Etheridge; "Better Man" - Pearl Jam

Haven't you always thought this song would go great with an ultra-violent anime about vampire hunters? Hey, so did someone who was posting to YouTube! (I said "ultra-violent," right? Consider yourself warned.)


1996: "Machinehead" - Bush
Another year that I'm fairly ambivalent about. I did get married in June of '96, and maybe the fact that our DJ played "Celebrate" despite our explicit instructions not to soured me on music for the whole year. But, hey, somebody's gotta win, so why not Mr. Stefani and company?

Runners Up: "Santa Monica" - Everclear; "Trippin' On A Whole In A Paper Heart" - Stone Temple Pilots; "In The Meantime" - Spacehog; "Stinkfist" - Tool

I've got a video for Machinehead, it's better than the rest (except for the real one, which I'm not allowed to embed).


1997: "Song 2" - Blur
Woohoo! This not very imaginatively titled hit from Blur squeaked out a win over the Foos and the Bosstones (technically ska?). One of the things I like about this song is how compact it is, at right about two minutes even. A little rock nugget. Reminds me of when I went to see the Ramones, who packed about 73 songs into a 90-minute set.

Runners Up: "The Impression That I Get" - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones; "Everlong" - Foo Fighters; "Pink" - Aerosmith; "Gone Away" - The Offspring

Now get your head checked by a jumbo jet and check out the video of this live performance at Wembley Arena.


1998: "Fly Away" - Lenny Kravitz
Hey, a repeat winner! Honestly, nothing really jumped out at me this year. Well, musically. 1998 saw the birth of my first child, so maybe that's why I wasn't paying as much attention. I was already retuning my ear for the Wiggles and Barney.

Runners Up: "Given To Fly" - Pearl Jam; "Blue on Black" - Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band; "Turn The Page" - Metallica; "Psycho Circus" - Kiss; "Most High" - Jimmy Page & Robert Plant

Well, I leave you and Part Two with Lenny rockin' Rio ...

Shouldn't that make him Dr. T?

The 31 Songs of Rocktober Part One: 1979-1988

31 days hath Rocktober, and what better way to celebrate than by providing a most-excellent example of rock 'n' roll for each and every one of them. To add a level of temporal confusion and complexity, I'm picking one song from each of the last 31 years.

And we're not going to play the whole "What's rock 'n' roll?" game. It's gotta have lots of guitars and drums, the more and louder the better. While not mandatory, long hair and leather apparel definitely are worth bonus points.

I believe I'll be able to track down video for each song, though the helpful folks at the record labels have decreed that virtually every official music video can't be embeddable, so most songs will be live performances.

Now, if you can answer "yes" to the musical question "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!!!" we'll begin.

1979: "My Sharona" - The Knack
Well, we're certainly off to a great start, with one of rock's most recognizable riffs. If lead singer and guitarist Doug Fieger and Wikipedia are to be believed, a Ms. Sharona Alperin was the little pretty one, pretty one, who made his motor run, motor run.

Runners Up: "I Want You To Want Me" - Cheap Trick; "Renegade" - Styx; "I Was Made For Lovin' You" - Kiss

Here are Doug and the boys live from Carnegie Hall with what ended up as the #1 song on Billboard's Pop Singles Chart for '79.


1980: "Heartbreaker" - Pat Benatar
As you can see from the runners up below, there were a lot of very strong contenders this year. But I'm going to go a little more "pop" and recognize the five feet and 95 pounds of rock 'n' roll fury formerly known as Patricia Andrzejewski.

Runners Up: "Refugee" - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers; "Ace of Spades" - Motorhead; "You Shook Me All Night Long" - AC/DC; "Crazy Train" - Ozzy Osbourne; "And The Cradle Will Rock" - Van Halen

Watch and see why you don't mess around with Ms. Benatar, no-no-no!


1981: "Back In Black" - AC/DC
Was there really any question for this year? (Okay, it did pain me not to go with "Tom Sawyer".) But you can't argue with another of rock's most recognizable riffs kicking off a tune that VH1 ranked as the fifth greatest hard rock song of all time and that Rolling Stone ranked number 29 on "The 100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time."

Runners Up: "Tom Sawyer" - Rush; "Another One Bites The Dust" - Queen; "The Stroke" - Billy Squier; "Start Me Up" - Rolling Stones

Now, without further ado, show us what you got Angus.


1982: "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Hard to pass on a title like that. And America found it hard to pass on the song (segue!), as it finished the year as the #2 hit on Billboard's Top 100. And here's a little piece of trivia that at least I didn't know: a pre-Blackheart-backed Ms. Jett first recorded this song two years earlier with two members of the Sex Pistols, Steve Jones and Paul Cook.

Runners Up: "Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey; "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" - Judas Priest; "Juke Box Hero" - Foreigner; "Run to the Hills" - Iron Maiden; "White Wedding" - Billy Idol

Now let's put another dime in the jukebox, baby ...


1983: "Twilight Zone" - Golden Earring
Also (erroneously) known as "When The Bullet Hits The Bone," this song did reach #10 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #1 on the Billboard Top Tracks chart. But, along with the band's other big hit, "Radar Love," it's also proven to be an enduring radio track that has aged much better than, say, "Cum On Feel the Noize."

Runners Up: "Gimme All Your Lovin'" - ZZ Top; "Cum On Feel the Noize" - Quiet Riot; "Photograph" - Def Leppard; "Bark at the Moon" - Ozzy Osbourne

So, what time is it? It's two a.m. (it's two a.m.) ...


1984: "Rock You Like A Hurricane" - Scorpions
Speaking of songs that don't age particularly well ... Actually, I think "Rock You Like A Hurricane" perfectly encapsulates the somewhat cheesy hard rocking sounds of the mid-80s (Ratt, Poison, Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, etc.). And I say "danke" to the boys from Hanover for showing us that not all hard rockin' music from Germany is that really scary death metal.

Runners Up: "Jump" - Van Halen; "Owner of a Lonely Heart" - Yes; "Legs" - ZZ Top; "Rebel Yell" - Billy Idol; "We're Not Gonna Take It" - Twisted Sister; "I Can't Drive 55" - Sammy Hagar

C'mon, c'mon' c'mon, let's watch a live performance.


1985: "She Sells Sanctuary" - The Cult
While not nearly as big a hit as any of the runners up, "She Sells Sanctuary" has always been a personal favorite of mine, and so I'll invoke blogger's privilege. It's one of those songs I forget how much I enjoy until it comes up in my iTunes playlist, I (rarely) hear it on the radio, or it shows up somewhere unexpected, like the movie Layer Cake.

Runners Up: "Money For Nothing" - Dire Straits; "Some Like It Hot" - Power Station; "Smokin' in the Boys Room" - Motley Crue

Let's enjoy it together, shall we?


1986: "You Give Love A Bad Name" - Bon Jovi
Bit of a sparse year for hard-rockin' hits, as you can tell by this selection and the runners up (John Cougar Mellenkamp?). Though I suppose the list would be a little longer if I didn't refuse to acknowledge Van Halen as a band after Diamond Dave left. Anyway, this isn't a bad song by the boys from Jersey.

Runners Up: "R.O.C.K. in the USA" - John Cougar Mellenkamp; "Addicted to Love" - Robert Palmer; "Tuff Enuff" - Fabulous Thunderbirds

You're shot through the heart and this song's to blame ...


1987: "Welcome to the Jungle" - Guns N' Roses
Love 'em or hate 'em, there was no question GNR was a rock and roll band when they exploded onto the scene, with all the drama, destruction, and volume that entailed. You couldn't ignore Axl Rose's voice, or Slash's guitar. "Welcome to the Jungle" was actually the first song that Axl and Slash wrote together. And as a title and a song, it certainly was a fitting announcement of their debut.

Runners Up: "Pour Some Sugar On Me" - Def Leppard; "Girls, Girls, Girls" - Motley Crue; "Love Removal Machine" - The Cult; "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" - Georgia Satellites

Watch this and it will bring you to your n-n-n-n-n-n-n-knees ...


1988: "Cult of Personality" - Living Color
Since I already gave GNR 1987, there really wasn't another contender for this year other than Living Color's biggest hit. Given that it won the Grammy for Best Hard Rock Performance the next year, I guess I'm not alone in that opinion.

Runners Up: "Sweet Child O' Mine" - Guns N' Roses; "I Hate Myself for Loving You" - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts; "Beds Are Burning" - Midnight Oil

Here are Corey, Vernon and the rest of the guys from another classic bit of late-80s culture: the Arsenio Hall Show.


Tune in next week as we spin the stax o' wax of Rocktober hits from 1989-1998.

Early Muppets Say "Drink Wilkins Cofffee. Or Else."

Hard to believe that Jim Henson, the man behind Elmo and Big Bird, also created these violent (in an "Itchy & Scratchy" kind of way) TV commercials for Wilkins Coffee. Apparently the late Fifties were a more brutal time, at least when it came to the consequences of brand preference.

Of course, there were some freaks on The Muppet Show. And Jim had that whole "Dark Crystal" phase, but still ...


Via AdFreak

Top 10 Biggest Stars' Worst Movies

Sure, these stars now pull down $10 million or more a movie (well, maybe not Harrison anymore). But each of them has a few stinkers in their past. Some have more than a few.

Now, I'm not talking about their first movies, because, hey, they were just trying to break in to the business and pay for their Ramen noodles and coke (at least in the 80s). No, these are movies they made long after they should have known better.

The 10 stars were chosen based on this list of career box office numbers through 2008. That means today's younger stars aren't represented. They still have plenty of time to make movies they'll be embarrassed about. For some, that's already happened. (I imagine Jessica Alba wasn't especially proud of "The Love Guru.")

10. Julia Roberts - Full Frontal (2002)

Sample Review:
"A boring, amateurish, incomprehensible and stupefyingly pretentious pile of swill." —Rex Reed, New York Observer

Julia probably thought: "I'm a little iffy on this one, but Stephen Soderbergh did help me get that Oscar for Erin Brockovich. How bad can it be?" Pretty bad. And, to the disappointment of adolescent boys everywhere, there wasn't even any actual "full frontal."


9. Johnny Depp - The Astronaut's Wife (1999)

Sample Review:
"'The Astronaut's Wife' stinks from the Earth to the moon." - Wesley Morris, San Francisco Examiner

Johnny Depp plays a space shuttle pilot who, after some oddness in space, impregnates Charlize Theron with some kind of alien. And no, I'm not making that up. You can see for yourself for free, as the entire movie (split into chunks) is available on YouTube. Which shows even the copyright holder is too embarrassed to identify himself in order to get it taken down.


8. Cameron Diaz - What Happens In Vegas (2008)
Sample Review:
"When it was over I felt vaguely embarrassed. I wasn't just leaving a movie theater. I was taking a walk of shame." - Wesley Morris, Boston Globe

I know, you're saying, "Cameron Diaz is the 8th biggest movie star? Really?" Well, $5,165,307,420 in box office receipts (the vast majority coming from various Shreks) can't be wrong.

"What Happens In Vegas" not only has the dubious honor of making numerous "Worst Movies of 2008" lists, but the additional badge of shame known as "Starring Ashton Kutcher."


7.Will Smith - Wild Wild West (1999)

Sample Review:
"Extremely stupid and incompetent." - Amy Taubin, Village Voice

While the whole starring/rapping the theme song thing worked for "Men In Black," Will went to the well one too many times. Though at least the theme song included a cameo by Kool Moe Dee, who rapped the original "WWW."


6. Robin Williams - Fathers' Day (1997)

Sample Review:
"`Father's Day' is a brainless feature-length sitcom with too much sit and no com." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Wow, given his body of work, it's difficult to pick a "worst" for Robin. But choose we must. In the review mentioned above, Mr. Ebert brings up a very good point about the many crappy movies featuring the former Mork from Ork: "You can always tell a lazy Robin Williams movie by the unavoidable scene in which he does a lot of different voices and characters." You can actually catch a bit of that desperation ploy in the trailer below:


5. Eddie Murphy - The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

Sample Review:
"So unremittingly awful that labeling it a dog probably constitutes cruelty to canines." - Lou Lumenick, New York Post

Yikes. Once again, very hard to choose a "winner" from Mr. Murphy's oeuvre. But considering this flop reportedly cost $100 million to make, and garnered a mere "6% Fresh" on RottenTomatoes.com, it gets the nod.


4. Tom Cruise - Vanilla Sky (2001)
Sample Review:
"A hopeless jumble of romance, psychodrama, sci-fi and spiritual posturing." - Susan Stark, Detroit News

I was actually surprised at how few embarrassments Tom has been a part of. Sure, people made fun of his accent in "Far and Away," and he looked a little silly in "Interview With A Vampire." But overall, he's exercised pretty good judgment. At least professionally. However, "Vanilla Sky" was definitely a bit of a mess. As you can tell by this ending. And no, if you saw the rest of the movie, this really wouldn't make a whole lot more sense.


3. Harrison Ford - Random Hearts (1999)

Sample Review:
"Almost everything that is wrong with the Hollywood system can be found here." - Desson Thomson, Washington Post

For a guy who's starred in two of the biggest movie franchises of all time, Harrison has also been a part of more than his fair share of crap. And unfortunately, by all accounts, this year's "Crossing Over" is another nail in his cinematic coffin. Going back a decade, he was part of this thriller/romance that wasn't enough of either.


2. Tom Hanks - The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

Sample Review:

"Destroy this film; watch it only to see a good example of a lousy adaptation." - Bob Bloom, Journal & Courier

Looking through the resume of the beloved Mr. Hanks, you're hard-pressed to find truly awful movies. I guess he and "his people" know what they're doing. But even his worst stumble was infamously spectacular in its failure. "The Bonfire of the Vanities" was based on a hugely successful—even iconic—novel, was directed by a big name (Brian DePalma), and featured an all-star cast (Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, and Morgan Freeman, as well as Mr. Hanks). But despite its superior pedigree, its terrible reviews and anemic box office established it as one of the biggest flops of all time.


1. Samuel Jackson - Twisted (2004)

Sample Review:
"The greatest mystery in this nonsensical thriller is why Philip Kaufman, a first-rate director, lent his talents to such a mediocre piece of studio hackwork."- A.O. Scott, New York Times

Yep, Samuel Jackson is Number One, having been a part of movies that have grossed a mind boggling $8,464,252,292. The biggest of course was "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace." And no, that's not his worst movie. Not by a long shot. He definitely has the quantity thing down. The quality? Not so much. "Jumper," "The Spirit," "Cleaner," "The Man." There's a reason you likely haven't heard of at least a couple of those—and that's just the last four years. But if we go back to 2004, we find the train wreck that was "Twisted." A film that garnered a stunning 2% "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

We tip our Kangols to you, Mr. Jackson.

Now Playing In Hell's Rec Room

They don't make them like this anymore. Likely because someone hunted down the creator and gutted him with a melon baller.

One Love, Many Artists: Playing For Change "Remix"

"Peace Through Music" is a goal that may be a little ... optimistic (to be charitable), but it can produce some cool results, as evidenced by the video "remixes" produced by the "Playing For Change" initiative. "Stand By Me" is the one with 10,000,000+ YouTube hits, but I actually prefer the one below for "One Love."

One thing I found curious: while the filmmakers got to India and Nepal, they seem to have run out of money (and/or air miles), since the Asia of the Pacific Rim is noticeably absent.